(Week 7) On Love...

I am really curious what we are going to talk about tomorrow when we talk about the meaning of love to us. What do Japanese college students think about LOVE?  I will find out in class tomorrow.

How about me? I was thinking about this all last week...and here are some thoughts.

To me, "love" is a willingness to sacrifice oneself on behalf of something. Love means putting others before yourself, to help or support others, even when there isn't any benefit to yourself. The ultimate love is the sacrifice of your own life even for strangers, or even more difficult loving your enemies--which feels too difficult for me--but I can try to do it on a small scale. This way of looking at it shows my religious upbringing; I've been taught that the death of Jesus to save mankind was real love, and I guess that has left a strong impression on me. When I think of love, I think of agape (unconditional love) and 1st Corinthians 13. I think that makes sense. I would sacrifice my own life for people who I love...my wife, kids, parents, siblings, friends...at least I would want to, even though I can't say for sure whether I would have the courage when the need arises, in my heart I want to do that because I love them.

Yes, so "love" means putting others first, and supposedly enjoying it or at least doing it willingly, not in a forced way. Hmm...but I can say for sure that it is not always enjoyable because it is not always easy. For example, on a day to day basis, I think love means making time for people and showing you care by really listening to them. That's a sacrifice of what you want to do, or what you want talk about.

I've been married for almost 12 years now, and I have a few thoughts on love and marriage. I've been blessed with a wonderful partner in marriage. Megumi and I get along really well, and I love her very much. We have two kids, and I love them very much as well. "I love my wife and kids" is a cliche that all married people and parents will use, so it can mean little in some cases, but what does it mean to me? It means a lot. In a sense, it means everything. If I lost them, I'm not sure what I would become. It is painful to even imagine. I've been very lucky because Megumi and my kids are very easy to love. They love me, so it is easy to love them.

But the day to day of "loving" is not always an easy thing. When you're married to somebody, it is easy to just live together like friends, rather than really loving and putting them first. And it is easy to expect the other person to love you and forget to love them in a real way--making time, listening, knowing their needs. It takes resolve. Day to day, I have to remember to be a good lover.

I think love is something that doesn't come naturally like instinct to eat, sleep, or have sex. It is something that we have to work at.  And with training we get better at it. We work to get better at it because we know it is a beautiful thing.

These are very unorganized thoughts on love that I typed out just as I thought of them. Hope they are not too confusing.

So, what are your thoughts on love?

And here's a link to quotations on love.

The one I like is:

The first duty of love is to listen.

Paul Tillich, O Magazine, February 2004
US (German-born) Protestant theologian (1886 - 1965)